In a surprise moment, the CEO of a tech company was spotted at a Coldplay concert Wednesday night, arms wrapped around the love of his life—not a person, but a pristine board of plantation-grown pine. Witnesses say the two swayed together as the kiss cam caught them by surprise, the CEO visibly emotional. “I don’t care who knows,” he reportedly told one fan. “This pine is sustainably grown, responsibly harvested, and shows up for me every single time.”
The crowd didn’t seem to mind. In fact, several concertgoers said it was the most stable relationship they’d seen all year. As Coldplay’s lasers lit up the night and confetti rained down, the CEO and his beloved pine remained locked in embrace—proof that when you find the right lumber, you hold on tight.